I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
