You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
