I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
