im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
