I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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