Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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