I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
