Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
