Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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