I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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