HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
