where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we made out on top of his cat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
