Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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