wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
