I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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