I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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