ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
