He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
