I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
