we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
