I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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