Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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