I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize