he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
