remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
