I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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