At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want to make out with him forever
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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