i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
