Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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