I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize