Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
