Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
