I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
