I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was CRYING into my vagina
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
