i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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