therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
