...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
