You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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