He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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