Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
