So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
