I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
