So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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