i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
