How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
