first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
