whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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