my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
