apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
