And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
