Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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