Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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