i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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