I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
