My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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