I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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