see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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