I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
