His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
