the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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