I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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